Settling in at childcare: for a three-month-old, it looks very different than for a two-year-old toddler. One has no concept of time yet; the other understands exactly that you're leaving. How the childcare adapts to this and what you can prepare at home varies by age.
How long does the settling-in period at a daycare center last?
Most daycare centers (kinderdagverblijf/KDV) follow a settling-in period of two to four weeks. Especially in the first few days, everything revolves around building trust, responding to how children react to their new environment, and dealing with separation anxiety. Learn more about separation anxiety here. Your child gets to know the faces, smells, and rhythm. You learn how handovers work and what information you'll receive about eating, sleeping, and playing.
The duration depends on how often your child attends childcare. With two days per week, settling in often takes longer than with four days, because the gap between days is larger. Some locations work with a fixed schedule: day one playing together, day two briefly leaving, day three staying longer. Ask in advance how it works at your location and whether you can set the pace yourself. A forced schedule backfires if your child needs more time.
What happens during the intake interview at childcare?
The intake interview usually takes place before the settling-in period begins. Here you discuss your child's basics with the childcare worker or team leader: sleep rhythm, feeding, allergies, crib or bed, comfort object or not. This is also the moment to explain how you communicate at home, which words you use for toileting or eating, and who else matters in your child's life.
You'll also get insight into the group's daily routine. Ask specifically how flexible they are: can your child wake at their own pace, or are all children woken at the same time? How do they handle naps outside the fixed schedule? The intake interview works both ways: the childcare gauges whether your expectations match their approach. Don't hesitate to ask about experience with specific situations, for example breastfeeding or a child who needs extra support.
Settling in at childcare: how does it work by age?
Settling in with a baby at daycare
Babies up to one year experience time differently than older children. For them, saying goodbye to you is a moment of uncertainty, not an understanding that you'll return. That's why it's important that the childcare worker builds a warm, predictable relationship. Check whether the same person guides the settling-in period, so your child learns to know one familiar face.
At home, you can prepare by already approaching the daycare's daily rhythm. Does the group go outside at half past nine? Try to build in a fixed outdoor moment at home too. Use a cuddly toy or blanket that carries the scent of both home and childcare. When saying goodbye: keep it short, clear, and use a fixed ritual phrase or gesture. A drawn-out process only makes things more confusing for a baby.
Settling in with a toddler at childcare
A two-year-old understands that you're leaving and can express that. Some children become quiet, others clingy or even angry. This behavior isn't a sign that the childcare doesn't fit, but that your child is taking the process seriously. The childcare can respond to this by maintaining a clear daily routine and letting your child make their own choices: which corner, which book, which sandwich filling.
Discuss with your child what's going to happen, but don't overdo it. "You'll play with the blocks, then I'll pick you up after eating" works better than elaborate stories about how much fun it will be. Read a book about childcare together or act it out at home with dolls. Toddlers benefit from repetition and predictability. Ask the childcare if you can take a photo of the group room home, so you can talk about it there.
How do you handle goodbye on the first day at daycare?
The first real day differs from the settling-in moments because now you're really leaving. Choose a fixed goodbye ritual: a special kiss, a high five, a window you look out of together. Keep it under two minutes. Stalling behavior from you affects your child. If you hesitate, your child picks up on that.
Tell them when you're coming back in language your child understands. "After naptime" or "When the big hand is on the six" works more concretely than "later." Some parents give an object that belongs at home: a scarf, a keychain. That can help, but do ask the childcare whether this fits their approach. Don't call after an hour to check in: the team knows what they're doing, and a phone call can actually stir things up.
What do you do if your child won't settle in at childcare?
Sometimes settling in doesn't happen naturally. After two weeks there's still lots of crying, or your child suddenly sleeps poorly at home. Discuss this with the childcare worker and ask specifically what they observe: is your child eating, do they play sometimes, is there a time of day when things go better? Their observation helps you determine whether this is a phase or a signal.
Look at yourself too. Are you uncertain about the choice of this childcare? Are you struggling with guilt about working and using childcare? That tension transfers to your child. It helps to know that most children, even after a difficult start, find their place within two to three months. If it really doesn't work, discuss with the location whether an adjusted schedule is possible. In exceptional cases, moving to a different group or location can be the solution. On Kiddie.nl you'll find a step-by-step plan to find childcare that better suits your child.
Getting started
The settling-in period is an investment in trust, not just for your child but for you too. Prepare for the intake interview, agree with the childcare on the pace, and keep the goodbye short and predictable. Doubting whether your chosen childcare suits your child? On kiddie.nl you can compare daycare centers based on Municipal Health Service (GGD) inspection reports, so you make a well-considered choice before the settling-in period begins.