The Gordon method is not a pedagogical approach with a particular vision of how a child develops, but a communication method. It centers on the way adults and children talk to each other, listen, and resolve conflicts. The method, developed by American psychologist Thomas Gordon, is applied worldwide in parenting, education, and childcare.
Who Was Thomas Gordon?
Thomas Gordon was an American clinical psychologist who, in the 1960s, observed that many conflicts between parents and children, or caregivers and children, stemmed from an unequal power dynamic. His idea was simple: if you take children seriously, listen to them, and communicate clearly from your own perspective, you have far less conflict. And when conflict does arise, you can resolve it without anyone feeling like they've lost. That last point is precisely why the method is called the "no-lose method."
How Does It Work in Practice?
The Gordon method has three core concepts that you'll see in action daily at a location that uses this approach.
Active listening means that a caregiver doesn't just hear what a child says, but also tries to understand what the child means or feels. A child asking for a cookie might simply be hungry. A child getting angry might need attention. By listening without judgment and naming feelings, a child feels understood and taken seriously.
The I-message is how caregivers express themselves. Instead of accusing or correcting a child with "don't do that" or "stop it," a caregiver explains what the behavior does to them. For example: "I feel unsettled when everyone talks at once." This gives the child space to think for themselves and consider others, without feeling attacked.
Conflicts as Learning Moments
Solving together means that in a conflict, the adult doesn't decide who is right, but instead they search together for a solution where everyone feels good. Children not only learn to resolve conflicts this way, but also to reflect on their own behavior and that of others.
What Will You Notice as a Parent?
At a location that works with the Gordon method, you'll see that caregivers communicate at eye level, both literally and figuratively. Children are given words for their feelings, are taken seriously in what they say, and learn to take responsibility themselves. Conflicts aren't swept under the rug but used as learning moments.
The result is a safe atmosphere where children feel heard, which contributes to more self-confidence, more understanding for each other, and less tension between children.
Is the Gordon Method Right for Your Child?
The Gordon method suits parents who value equality, respectful communication, and an environment where their child learns to express their feelings and consider others. Want to know which locations near you work with this method? On Kiddie.nl you can compare childcare locations and filter by pedagogical vision.
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Want to know which childcare in your area works with the Gordon method? On kiddie.nl you compare locations based on their pedagogical vision, Municipal Health Service (GGD) inspection reports, and practical characteristics. Filter by preferences that matter to your family, and plan targeted tours at childcare providers that fit you.