The occasional sleepless night comes with the territory when you have young children. But what if your child is consistently struggling to sleep? If your toddler wakes up multiple times every night, or if bedtime ends in tears, stalling, and frustration every single evening — it stops feeling like "part of the deal" and starts feeling like survival mode.
Many parents know this feeling all too well. You've barely made it to bed yourself when the first cry comes. Or your child is wide awake at 5 a.m. as standard, even though you've only had a few hours of sleep. During the day, you try to keep everything running — work, the household, being present for your child — all while running on empty. So exhausted that your patience wears thin, you can't enjoy the little moments, and you start questioning yourself. Am I doing something wrong?
The good news: if your child is older than 6 months and there's no underlying medical cause, the right approach can almost always bring real improvement.
"It's just a phase"… or is it?
Many parents receive well-meaning advice from those around them: "It's just a phase", "They'll grow out of it", or "My child didn't sleep through until they were three either". That can be reassuring — but also confusing. What if it doesn't get better on its own? What if you've already scoured the internet for solutions and nothing seems to work?
What many people don't realise is that sleep is partly a learned skill — one that takes practice. Just like eating with a spoon or riding a bike without stabilisers. Some children simply need a little more guidance to get there.
Sleep isn't a luxury — it's a necessity
Good sleep is essential for young children's development. While they sleep, a great deal is happening in their bodies and brains: the day's experiences are processed, neural connections are strengthened, and memory is consolidated. Research shows that children who consistently sleep too little or too restlessly are more prone to irritability, difficulty concentrating, and emotional outbursts.
You may recognise the signs: a toddler who gets frustrated more quickly, struggles to settle into play, or cries more often without an obvious reason. Or a baby who has trouble napping during the day and seems to be constantly "switched on". Poor sleep can play a major role in all of this. Sleep deprivation also weakens the immune system. In short: good sleep isn't a bonus — it's a fundamental building block for healthy development.
And that goes not just for your child, but for you as a parent too.
Why sleep sometimes doesn't work
Many sleep problems in young children come down to a combination of factors — such as an inconsistent daily routine, a sleep environment that isn't quite right, or a child going to bed overtired (or not tired enough).
Habit also plays a big role. If your child always falls asleep with help — being rocked, fed, or lying next to you — it makes sense that they'll need that same help when they wake between sleep cycles during the night. And that can happen multiple times a night.
That doesn't make it your "fault". It simply means a pattern has developed that's no longer working for anyone.
Situations you might recognise
Parents who seek help are often already caught in a cycle. They've tried everything: a later bedtime, an earlier one, more naps, fewer naps, a different routine… but nothing seems to stick.
Sound familiar?
"My child wakes up every hour and I don't know what to do anymore."
"Bedtime can take up to an hour and a half, with crying and constant trips out of bed."
"My child is exhausted during the day, but then can't actually fall asleep."
"I'm so tired I don't recognise myself anymore."
And perhaps the most important one: "I want things to be different, but I don't know how to get there."
When might it be worth bringing in a sleep coach?
A sleep coach doesn't just look at individual symptoms — they look at the whole picture. Every child is different, every family is different, and so every situation calls for a personalised approach.
Together with you, a sleep coach maps out what's going on: your child's daily rhythm, sleep habits, the sleep environment, and your wishes as parents. Because what works for one family doesn't always suit another. Perhaps staying close and responsive is important to you, or you want any changes to happen gradually. A good sleep coach takes all of that into account.
From there, a plan is created that is practical, achievable, and gentle. There are various methods available, ranging from very gradual approaches to more structured ones. What matters most is that the approach fits your family, and that your child learns to fall asleep independently and sleep more soundly in a way that feels safe and secure.
What parents often share after going through this process is that it's not just their child who sleeps better — they themselves feel calmer and more confident too.
Rest creates space
Imagine it: a bedtime that's calm and peaceful, without a battle. A child who falls asleep on their own and sleeps more soundly through the night. And you, waking up with energy instead of exhaustion.
That's not an unrealistic dream. For many families, it's well within reach — with the right knowledge and support.
Give yourself and your child the gift of rest. Because when everyone sleeps better, space opens up. Space to enjoy the small moments. A cheerful morning, a cuddle without rushing, a day that feels just a little lighter.
About the author
This article was written by Debbie, children's sleep coach at SlaapGelukt. Through practical guidance and personalised support, she helps families with children aged 0–4 get the sleep they all need.